Sunday, April 19, 2009


Do you ever just feel sub-par? Like you can not meet everyone's expectations of you? I have these 2 amazing little boys that rely on me for everything, I mean how can they not, afterall they are only 3 and 3 months. Yet, I always feel that I fall short of what they are expecting of me. I have a husband whom is never able to be around due to his job. Therefore I am the sole provider for my children's needs most of the days. I never have time for myself, which I believe is very important to be a proper provider for your children. I am not asking for a day away but simply an hour would be nice...come on an hour, that is all I am asking for. However I do not get this hour that I so desperately need to rejuvinate myself and come back fully ready to take on my 2 sweet little boys again. I do not know how to get these feeling of inadequacy to go away. I know my boys are well taken care of and happy little dudes at that, but I have to give everything I have everyday to make sure that they feel that way. I just do not see how me being so run down is going to be good for these two little guys in the end!

I need to find a way to get to a happy medium in all of this. I am trying but feel I keep on hitting walls. I am tired, I am grumpy, I am angry at the husband, I want to cry, but I can't because my 3 year old sits on my lap and I would not want to upset him!

So here I sit....feeling...sub-par!

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